Be afraid… be really afraid!

No way! Why is there a need to be afraid when I am a child of God. I realised that I am afraid of A LOT of things! I’m scared of dogs, cats or any animal for that matter. My legs tremble when I am high above the ground with no protection. I am afraid of failure, being rejected or making a fool of myself (which I often do anyways… so I’ve gotten less self-conscious, actually depends on the crowd). The thought of trying new things freak me out. I can continue forever…

The recent thing that has been scaring me the most is the fear of the unknown, being uncertain of my future. It’s not that bad, I’m not like getting sleepless nights over it or anything close. But every time I’m traveling on the train, or on my bed before I sleep or when I’m just staring into space, I always ask God, so what’s going to happen after the end of this year. I’m really learning to trust God in this, I’ve spoken to a number of friends about it, and many have been encouraging me to continue to put my faith in God and He will slowly reveal when the time is right. When I’m ready to listen and more importantly OBEY. So no fear in that… and with a Christian Blogging community like Girls, God and the Good life that even supports their readers in prayer, I think that’s awesome!

If any seniors are in that what at I going to do after I graduate place, I’d love to add your names to my prayer journal.

A gentle reminder: “For I know the plans that I have for you, ” declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Julie, one of the authors from Girls, God and the Good life.

Also, I’m really excited to start my new Quiet Time series of “God’s purpose for every women”, at the moment, I have no idea what is it about yet! Once I start it, I’ll have more to share of what God speaks!

As for now, I’m treasuring what’s left of my holidays, catching up with friends and family:) See all you aussie peeps in about a week’s time!

I chopped my hair!

Using my mirror to take the picture, I realised how dirty my mirror is… I apologise! hahaha… anyway, this is my new hair cut. Chopped off the length, the back is a bob, with the sides longer. In addition to be a little more adventurous, I highlight the underneath of my fringe red! It doesn’t look red except the bottom, but if you lift up my fringe, it’s VERY RED! hahahah… I kinda like my new hairstyle, no regrets, but it’s going to be hard to maintain. My stylist says to cut every 2 months, that will cost me a bomb in Aussie!

Haircut dilemma

I am having a total dilemma of how I should cut my hair before I go back! I have decided to chop of my long hair because I can’t stand the heat, and every time I tie it up, I end up looking like a kid! Here are my few choices, No.1 on the list is something less adventurous and my bestfriend thinks I have cut this hair style before but I beg to differ.

No.2 is a nice bob too! But maybe I prefer the fringe not to be too straight – a little like this blogger (http://ickleoriental.net/), she just cut her hair too! I know both pics may look a bit similar, but I think the back might quite different, cos I doubt the first one is a bob. Also no.1 goes for the more messy and ” I just woke up” look while the no.2 is a little bit more classy and neat. Sighh… anybody any thoughts? Anyways… I bought another pair of shoes AGAIN! With the amount of shoes I have bought thus far, I am going to have a tough time of which to bring back to Aussie!!! But I thought I should buy a pair of simple black heels, easier to match ones. My rock chick heels are too high to wear for every occasion. So here’s my latest buys, including my vintage handbag which my brother makes fun of and calls it my “auntie” bag. In addition to that, my mum walks into my room and said “eh, I also use to have this bag last time” and my brother couldn’t stop laughing!

The pictures says it all!

Shawn… I think you’re a hot retro badminton player!
Elaine Jie, your hair really could keep a look a things inside, like Xiao Ding Tang’s pocket!
I really love this picture!
My dearest family, thank you! Wish Daddy, Jie, James and Sophie were here too!
To my hosts of the night, thank you so much!My event organiser and bestfriend for 14 years! OMG! We’re so old, don’t be too stress for my wedding ok?
Mummy, thank you for making it the best night ever!Bestfriend, I love you!Chris ice surfing as he plans to kill me…Thank you korkor for your wonderful speech that night! Freedomm!!From this photo and from EVERY other photo, I think everyone could tell how happy I was that night!
The smile on my face when I opened my first present of the night! MINI DIANA!!! A WISH COME TRUE!Thank you aussie peeps!Love love…I feel the love!Little Saint version 2010, all grown up!!! My cell group!!! Where’s ANGIE?!!!
Hey primary and secondary school friend, thanks for always being there!To the people who made the night possible! I LOVE YOU GUYS CELLKIDS! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

THANK YOU DANIEL THAM for capturing all these moments!!

I need a vision and a life…

I finally bought Xiao Zhu’s latest album with his New York picture book! WOOT! This going all-crazy over Xiao Zhu thing is getting a little tiring, I’m actually feeling a little too old for this. My stamina is lacking. Although my good friend’s mum (aka my “godma” who adopted me over our bangkok trip a couple of years back) is my leading example of chasing famous stars! She is a mum, a housewife, and travels overseas for fanclub meet-ups! My dream lifestyle…ok kidding about the lifestyle, but serious about my godma.

Alrights, jokes aside. I really do need a vision in life, one that is God-centered, not about me. I miss the times when I was only 17, where I was a lot more innocent, where faith felt so simple. Now that I am older, and have experienced life a little bit more, and realised that the world is not as simple as I thought it was. I’ve always dream to create a place for people, but what exactly does this place do, I honestly wished I knew. I had this dream together with cellkids, but we were only 18 then. Now that I’m 21 and graduating at the end of this year, I fear the unknown. I’m not stressing about it or anything close to that, I’m excited to enter into a new phase of life, but I just wished I knew where I was going. I want to do something meaningful with my life. The past week, I spent the time cooped up in my room thinking about what I wanna do with my life. Hoping to be inspired as I read Courageous leadership by Bill Hybels, where he starts off with us needing a vision. I got stucked! I don’t know what’s my vision! Recalling from Holy Discontent, also written by Bill, I don’t know what is it that gives me that Popeye moment anymore. I use to have it, but I got distracted and the vision blurred out.

So after a week of getting nowhere… I realised I was in need of some girlfriend time. I thought since I mybestfriend did so much for me on my birthday, the little I could do was to cook her dinner. Went down to JP to do some grocery, I miss going grocery shopping!! But I hate it when I don’t know where everything is! That’s why I always go to Toowong Coles, cos I know where everything I want is! Came home, marinated whatever that was needed, took a little nap! Woke up and whipped out three-layered pork with tauqua in soyasauce and coke, chinese spinach and fishcake in shiitake mushroom sauce, steamed cod fillet fish with soybean paste and dried scallop porridge. After dinner, we watched Julie and Julia, a nice inspirational movie to get me cooking. Although I don’t like cooking in an unfamiliar place, it’s just frustrating! That’s why my mum is getting such a hard time to cook, I miss my aussie kitchen! Anyway, the movie portrayed a character who also felt that she was achieving nothing in life, then she started an adventure of finish 524 recipes in 365 days and started a blog about it. And she did it. She had a “vision”, an aim and she accomplished it.

I need a vision… pray with me!

Hey there, Retro Mama

Yup, it was that time of the year again, where I turn another year older. Well… this year is the significant year where I get my key to freedom, and enter into adulthood! I guess this would be the last of parties I would have… because from now on, getting older is not something to be celebratory about. As quoted by my bestfriend “Forever young, I wanna be forever young!” I have to take my hats off to cellkids and Cyn who threw me this memorable and enjoyable party! I remember talking to my godbro about it and he stated very clearly “well, I will ensure it memorable, but I cannot guarantee it pleasant” and that just sent shrivers down my spine. But thankfully, they didn’t embarrass me too much, they were very smart indeed, they gave they role to my friends and family through playing games!

One of which required my family and friends to play ping pong and each time they hit the ball, they had to say something about me within the category. Apparently, how Rachel would poison/kill you was a popular choice, answers like chocolates and stabbing you were a common answer. Another topic was, what would Rachel say to you when she is sleepy, and the answer my newly adopted lil bro gave was “I want to marry Xiao Zhu” which I totally gave him credit for! All the topics were really funny and thankfully all my family, uncles and aunties who saw me grow up since young and all my various friends were really spotting! The other game was seriously made me laugh non-stop where different scenarios (I summarised them) were set and they had to say a line to me.

Scene 1: Rachel was going out with you (the participant) and she had put on some make-up and looks absolute terrible, what would you say. My favourite answer of the night: Dear Lord, help me to see her with your eyes, Amen! – Sean Chin

Scene 2: We are in Antarctica and all the ice are melthing, and you could only save one life, Rachel or yourself. Best answer: It’s melting, it’s melting, it’s melting… -dies- -My brother

Scene 3: You are Rachel’s bestfriend and you found out they both of you liked the same guy. This was the best answer: Who are we fighting for? [Cyn (host) replied: Josco!] It’s ok, you can have him!! – Tabbie

It was really a fantastic night! Everything was perfect, music was great, I LOVE THE ATMOSPHERE AND THE DECORATIONS! Everyone told me the food was good, I myself didn’t really eat very much! The night was just perfect, I don’t know how to describe it anymore! When the pictures are up, you can see it! Here are my special thanks:

Firstly, to my parents who paid for everything to make it possible in the first place!! To my bestfriend, Eve for organising the whole thing despite you having FYP!! To Melmel and Rah who did my guestbook or rather guest frame and signage for the party and forgetting cutting ALL those circles!! And together with Chloe helped up at the reception table!! Josco, my logistic man, what will I do without you, liaising with the hotel and making them like us so much, you should really do this for your future job! Sk (my godbro) and Cyn (primary & secondary sch friend) thanks for being my host and not embarrassing me too much! Mel, Zac, Rah and Josco who came early to help me out with the decorations, I really love the place!! Of cos not forgetting my photographer, Daniel!!! And Roy, my second photographer, who was just told on the day itself! HEE!! And to the many other people who helped out in one way or another!! And for everyone who came and made it such a memorable day for me:) Hopefully I didn’t miss out anyone, I just woke up! I’m sorryy!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

My perfect husband and son

Autumn’s Concerto has portrayed my dream family. Guang Xi (Vanness Wu) and Xiao Le (Xiao Xiao Bin, who by the way is my favourite child actor, I can’t wait for him in Down with Love) are my dream husband and son respectively! Seriously, my future husband better not be a workaholic! Despite Guang Xi being well-known lawyer, he still knows how to come home to his son and wife. As for Xiao Le, he is so “dong shi”, I don’t know how to translate it in english, cos “understanding” doesn’t quite fit the description! There was this one scene, where Guang Xi stood up for Xiao Le after Hua Hong (another kid) destroyed his toy (this was before they found out they were father and son), here is my super bad attempt to translate it:

Xiao Le: I don’t need Hua Hong to pay.

Guang Xi: Xiao Le, don’t be scared. Daddy will protect you.

Xiao Le: Uncle, thank you. The last time you taught me to be an honest person, so I want to tell the truth. I know you are not my dad, I also know my dad is not an Alien. That was because Mu Cheng didn’t want me to be upset so she made that story up.

This father-son pair is so affectionate! I think I talked about this with Mimi before, I wish for my husband to be able to kiss his kids in public! Which is rare in the asian culture, but in this generation, I can see there is hope for the future! I can rattle on more about this pair, but you would have to just watch the drama to understand what I am talking about. And if you think its just a show, I think the behind the scenes show they are great both on and off screen. If anyone wants to marry me, you better have watched this show and study Vanness’ character of Guang Xi in ultimate detail! Hahahaha… and I’m not kidding! I can’t wait for next week’s episode, when they finally reconcile!

Lazy to blog

I’ve been getting a little lazy to blog, I have so many draft entries on my brazil and paris trip, but I just didn’t really get down to it. I just read a great testimony of friend from Japan and how God has been doing so much in her life! And I kinda wished I had something that amazing to share, sadly not so. I guess God has been a little quieter with me this summer. Once I touched down in Singapore from Paris, my friend dragged me to cell despite me feeling really lazy and just wanted to go home and stone. Figured since I will be jet lagged anyway, I went. It was a pretty interesting thought on Courage in sharing our faith.

I guessed in church in Aussie, we are pretty used to doing street evax in Campuses or even Brisbane City (haven’t tried this one) that I guess courage in sharing our faith never really appeared to me as a big thing. Our cell leader did share of a personal testimony of how a friend came to know Christ through her living example in her office and a few years later he emailed her about his baptism story after she left the company. It’s similar to the testimony I think May shared at the conference about the man who just gave out Christian tracks and people came to know Christ through his faithful deeds.

This whole courage thing has been on my mind recently, more so in terms of leadership. Lately, I’ve been talking to a couple of close friends about leadership, how sometimes I feel that its really not MY THING. Despite not being in Aussie, I still read our weekly emails from our Pastor to the leadership team and this week he shared about Leadership Mettle. Although I don’t fully know what exactly that is, but from the little that he shared, it seemed to do with Courage. Apparently he is going to talk more about at JG & leader’s muster which I won’t be there for, so Cait or Mimi, please take down notes to share with me!!

“Courage,” said C.S. Lewis, “is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.”  Successful leadership requires more than calculation, experience, delegation, and good decision making.  It requires leadership mettle.  Mettle, according to Webster, is “quality of temperament and disposition.”  Shakespeare often used mettle as a synonym for courage. (from the email)

Something to keep in mind as I start my third book for the summer, Courageous leadership by Bill Hybels:)

To my two besties, thanks for spending the day with me at Caramel Cafe!! All our loud crazy talk walking across the street and attracting so much attention. Eve, dont feel guilty for having to do your work, sometimes it’s just the presence of being there makes the world of difference!! Mel, you got your wish, we didn’t get to do our massage! Hahahaha…. but it’s ok, I still love you more than massages! So no matter how much I insist on getting a massage, you’re always of higher priority!! Thanks to my two best friends, I have found a new cafe which I totally love!!! Check out the website, it’s so vintage, I love the tables, chairs and stools! I’ve only tried the smoked salmon spaghetti and it’s really nice!!:) Price is pretty reasonable, I love the ambience the most!!! I could stay there all day with my mac and tap on to starbuck’s wireless!!

If I had a million dollars…

Dad has gone back to work as usual, so that leaves Mum and I pretty much in the resort all day. Thus I am online more often, and there is nothing else much but to watch television or maybe go for swim or walk along to beach. There is the one show that I love watching called Extreme Makeover, not the cosmetic one, but house renovation. However, the families they pick a generally the less fortunate or a one that they can send a message across about a certain disability or illness. They cater specific needs to each family. The first episode I watched was a single mother who adopted close to 10 or maybe more kids and they leave in a really small house. She tries her best to provide for them, educate them and all… So this team of designers of different expertise came to redo the house, each room was designed according the kids’ favourite hobby, and what was awesome was they built a football field for them in their backyard! I thought that was really cool! Another episode was this mother who also adopted kids with aids, and how others was despise them, everyone was scream if they got into a public pool, even the teachers didn’t allow the kids to use the school toilets! How cruel was that! Of cos there were other families as in non-adopted kids, but if I had the money, I wouldn’t mind adopting!

Just recently in our boat trip, I got to talk to one of my dad’s colleagues and he is a foster dad to three kids and he has two of his own kids. He was just sharing with me how it was like, he loves them all the same. I thought that must have been really hard. For one, I never knew Singapore had a foster kids scheme, under MCYS. It would be such a dream to build a home for kids who were abandon by their parents, suffered abuse or are homeless…

Picture taken when we visited a tribe in Paraguay.

I can’t believe it 2010!

I know I’m a couple days late with this entry; probably almost every blog in the world has blogged about the new year. But hey, better late than never. Well, if you ask me how 2009 was, it has been a rough year for me. I started the year with a rocky start where trust was broken, friendships lost, and hearts ached. Everywhere I turn felt like a brick wall, I constantly heard blaming, condemning voices in my head, simply put, it seemed a lot of to deal with. Of cos not everything was so negative! On the flip side, new friendship bonds were made along the way, the people who genuinely loved and cared for me stood by me during these hard times, I discovered a whole new level of relationship with God because of those events and I experienced God’s blessing in the aspects of family, ministry, and studies.

I learnt to draw closer to God in those times of loneliness, I learnt to express those feelings in a healthy way, I learnt to draw boundaries and many more. As the year went by, new challenges came. James 1:1-4 clearly states, consider it pure joy to go through these tough times, so yes, it was time a faith testing, growth and maturity! When all is stripped away, what is our response? If I was asked to summarise 2009 in one word, GRACE it is. It was truly by the grace of God of where I am today. Not enough words would be able to describe my gratitude to God and the special people in my life (I’m pretty sure you know who you all are). God’s great and I can’t deny it!

I am looking forward to 2010, a new beginning, a fresh start! A big change for me this year that I didn’t get to celebrate it with cellkids as our yearly tradition has been for the past few years. Instead I spent it with both my parents in a crowded beach in Rio De Janeiro with thousands of people watching fireworks and having a champagne bath, literally. It was a nice change, although I still missed cellkids badly, especially since my godbro left the very next day and left me all alone in Brazil!

Some highlights of this year. Definitely turning 21, and legally being an adult is the first excitement. Also, for the first time, I will be living overseas without family, no more speed dialling my bro if I need anything. I will be going for my second social work placement, however I haven’t really decided where I am going to do it yet. If all goes well, I will also be graduating at the end of the year and it will be goodbye to the comforts of a student life and hello working world, freaking out a little. And most importantly, it will be an entire year of seeking God for direction of where do I go from here?

Anyways, a happy new year to all! Signing off for now, more about Brazil when I’m back in Singapore because the internet connection here is wacky!